Sometimes mothers become so wrapped up in their children that they neglect themselves, their other relationships and interests. This is perhaps understandable when a child is very young, or ill, but in ordinary day-to-day family living, it is essential that a mother take time for herself.
During pregnancy, mother and child share the same space and a very close relationship, but once the baby is born, they become two separate beings. The next twenty-one years will be a process of gradual separation of one from the other, until the child is ready to function as an independent adult.
When this happens, as it surely will, the mother who has lived her life through and for her child or children, will be completely at a loss. It will be very difficult to spruce up her appearance, start new friendships, pick up neglected hobbies, and return to work when she has been "out of circulation" for such a long time.
As soon as possible after the baby's birth, therefore, the mother must take time for herself, to maintain and foster the following important facets of her life.
1. Relationships
Her most important relationship is with her spouse. Children need a father as much as a mother. If the family disintegrates, everyone will suffer. The woman must remember that she was a wife before she became a mother. The children will grow up and leave eventually, but she and her husband are bound together by wedding vows "...until death do us part". A wise woman will not steal time from her husband to devote to her children.
Then, there are other family members who rely on her help and enjoy her company: her parents, siblings, extended family members, as well as her husband's relatives. These people will be an intimate part of her life for the foreseeable future. Each one will be there for her as a help and support no matter what happens, as long as she does not alienate them through thoughtlessness or neglect.
There are also friends, some of whom she has been close to since childhood. When each is busy with her own life and family, it is easy to lose touch. A deliberate effort must be made to maintain these friendships. Someday they will become very important once again.
2. Career
Once the children are in school, or even before, a mother should consider returning to the workforce. In these tough economic times, it often takes two salaries to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle. In addition, many women find it enriching to escape the household drudgery and interact with other adults every day. It certainly makes for a more balanced personality.
Children of mothers who work outside the home tend to mature faster and be more responsible. When Mom isn't hovering, watching their every move, they have to make their own decisions and usually they do a terrific job of it. Occasionally, when they don't, they still learn a valuable lesson. It's called "gaining experience".
3. Preparing for the Future
Today, the cost of sending a child to university or college is very high. A vital factor in raising children is to insure that money is available to fund their post-secondary education. Mothers who have worked to advance in their own careers, will be able help each of their children achieve his or her educational goals.
As hard as it may be to contemplate, retirement will one day arrive. No one wants to live a life of hardship or be dependent on their children in their later years. As seniors, they will want to enjoy life, to travel, and to be able to afford to buy special treats for their grandchildren. In order for these things to happen, as young parents, they must set up a regular system for saving. When both husband and wife are able to contribute to the fund, it helps immeasurably.
For the ultimate welfare of her spouse, her children, her family, her friends and most of all, herself, every mother should make time to devote to her own interests: her relationships, her career, and her future.
Children are indeed priceless blessings, but they are not intended to be permanent possessions. A parent's responsibility is to love, care for and guide the little ones while they grow. Mothers who take time for themselves while fulfilling these duties will find it much easier to cope when the fledglings finally leave the nest.
Then, along with her spouse, she will reap the rewards of parenthood: watching her grown children become responsible and successful citizens, enjoying a comfortable retirement surrounded by family and friends, and best of all, spoiling her precious grandchildren with reckless abandon.
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