Where morals come from

A baby comes into the world with a mind like a blank blackboard. From the first days of life he is observing, and listening to those in his immediate environment. The parents are his first and most important teachers and role models.

If the parents' mode of interacting is one of arguing, yelling, insults, and criticism, the child learns that this is the way families behave and though it makes him uncomfortable, and sometimes even frightens him, he accepts it as normal byplay within every family unit.

Language is even more indicative of the quality of the child's home environment. If you ask any primary grade teacher which child uses inappropriate language on the playground, he'll be quick to tell you.

Why? Other parents have been besieging him with complaints about the foul words their children are learning and repeating at home from the child who hails from the less favorable environment.

What can the teacher do? Really, very little; it's not fair to blame the child. The language which others find offensive is normal within his family. The teacher can gently tell the child that there are some words we don't use at school, and give specific examples, and then make sure that the language he hears in the classroom is of excellent quality and hope that he will begin to imitate the vocabulary of his peers and teachers.

In the same way, the morals of the parents become the morals of the child. For example, most children will, at one time or another, take something that does not belong to them. Responsible parents will march the offender back to the rightful owner, see that he returns the item, and apologizes. It will be an embarrassing and painful experience for the culprit, and one that he won't soon forget. It's unlikely he will steal again.

On the other hand, if the parents just chuckle and tell him not to do that again, the lesson will be far less memorable. He will probably conclude that his worst crime was that of getting caught.

Attitudes are transmitted less directly, but just as thoroughly. When a parent is overheard plotting to cheat on his income tax, transport material across the border without paying duty, or speaking disrespectfully about the police or other authority figures, the child, like a little sponge, quickly absorbs the same perspective.

As he gets older, and friends begin to have a greater influence on his thinking, some of his morals and attitudes may undergo changes for the better. However, too many times the sad truth is that his upbringing will propel him to choose friends within the same social sphere as his family and consequently no noticeable improvement will be achieved.

The most unfortunate aspect of the situation is that the child will grow up and probably establish a family where arguing, yelling, insults and criticism are the norm, and his children have an overwhelming chance of repeating the cycle in the next generation.

Parenthood is a tremendous responsibility. A child's future moral values, attitudes, and indeed the entire course their lives will follow is molded to a great extent by those early experiences within the family.

An oft-repeated Jesuit slogan, "Give me a child until he's seven, and I'll give you the man", usually proves true. There may be deviations and exceptions during the turbulent teenage years, but when the dust settles, the original family pattern tends to be repeated in the next generation.

It's a sobering thought and one that parents should perhaps paste on the the bathroom mirror or somewhere where they see it daily. It's a principle that's too important to forget.